i remember days that never seemed to end. when i always had just enough in my pocket to last me until that coming Friday. 3 oclock would come and i'd fly out the door on my way to take a load off, have a seat, sit down and figure out what to do with the precious time that i had to spend. It didn't seem like wasted days then, the precious time was so much more valuable. Nowadays, it's as if i'm overdosing on boredom. There's nothing to do anymore. Honestly if i could have the chance right now, i'd work a 1st shift job 7 days a week. I never want to feel like the hands of a clock are waving in my face. I'm sitting here, wrestling with reality. I know it outweighs my mind by at least a ton, and my physical being even moreso.

Those days had their own downs though, i remember thinking about things like "if i have it all, why am i still miserable"

Just thinking that maybe this feeling is something i'm burdened with wether or not i'm happy or successful is difficult to think about, i can't really wrap my head around it. I guess i'll just play my stupid guitar and act as if that will get me somewhere. I've never worked so hard at something, but it just seems like we're only a few months in and not a fucking year. A year! and we have 4 songs! Jay and Geezer with their stupid shit! A year in and no label! We've got to pick this shit up i swear. We're a lazy band it seems. We keep getting good breaks though and it's as if nothing works. I have to try harder, i guess we have to try harder though, seeing as i can't do 100 percent of EVERYTHING myself.


Whatever to the world. Whatever you fucking cunt god damn piece of shit.