depression

i'm not getting anything done, worse yet, i'm missing out on things. this type of behaviour isn't good. i've got to correct it. I'm going out of my god damned mind and there's so little to stop me anymore. i just don't know what to do, i wish there was a magic tidal wave that would just wash over everything and correct the wrongs. i'm in a strange place, i feel as if i'm trapped inside the walls of my own head. absolutely nothing takes away from this.

it's simply a constant struggle, some days i can look past it. other days it looms overhead like a stupid buzzard looking down on me like i'm the carcass i feel like splattered on the road.

i've been depressed a lot lately as well, just down in the fucking dirt, feeling like shit, feeling worthless like i want to die. this all definetly is getting worse as i get older and older. i think that my therapist is a bag of shit and doesnt do anything for me either. he's a joke, he's more focused on doing paperwork and wasting my time then getting to the roots of my issues and getting myself on track. Why do i even go? I should address this when i call him and go in next, if that happens. i missed the appointment for my medical insurance shit. I really am an asshole, but i didnt anticipate driving to fucking Norristown, but hey, maybe if i wasn't a piece of shit, that wouldn't be such a threat.