http://www.sendspace.com/file/0q9ulk
http://www.sendspace.com/file/0q9ulk
http://www.sendspace.com/file/0q9ulk
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Saturday, March 22, 2008
I watched another government conspiracy movie today. Those things are fucking mad man. It's all so plausable and i see how people could be sucked into it. It's hard to discredit such discrediting video, yet i ponder if it's legitimate or just another ploy. It kind of comes off in all comparison as anti republican propaganda in the sense that it's bashing one group of people. Seems like it could be an attempt to gain support for the Democratic party. Why hasn't these movies come up sooner? To me, they're terrifying, especially this one. It all seems so factual, i just hope i'm dead before it takes place, because i don't want to get shot in the head for living my fucking life man. Shit's nasty.
Surprisingly though, one of the topics that was heavily covered in the film was the science of Eugenics. I had dabbled into the science at one point over the summer when it was mentioned in the Vargsmal. I had no idea though that it was such a big issue and a negative thing in the early and mid 1900's. Interesting, yet scary shit in the way it was approached. It makes me wonder what life would be like if we weren't being run. Seems like everyone's doing a shitty makeshift job at sustaining and creating a habital and realistically favorable enviornment for us and our kids to live in. Sucks.
I wish i had the hands of god, so i could wipe the world clean and plant my seeds.
Surprisingly though, one of the topics that was heavily covered in the film was the science of Eugenics. I had dabbled into the science at one point over the summer when it was mentioned in the Vargsmal. I had no idea though that it was such a big issue and a negative thing in the early and mid 1900's. Interesting, yet scary shit in the way it was approached. It makes me wonder what life would be like if we weren't being run. Seems like everyone's doing a shitty makeshift job at sustaining and creating a habital and realistically favorable enviornment for us and our kids to live in. Sucks.
I wish i had the hands of god, so i could wipe the world clean and plant my seeds.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Lyrics to live by
"Work machine makes us old before our time.
I don't consent that's how I feel.
Because life's too short , so I do what I can to get by.
I'll decide where my time is spent and you can bet there'll be a smile on my face.
How about yours? How about yours!? "
I remember this summer past i wrote a few songs and one of them had the line "yeah, i still listen to start today" in it, and looking on that months later, i look into how much i actually take from that record. I mean sure, when you listen to a lot of good hardcore music, it's hard to miss the Gorilla Biscuits, but they've always been one of the more special bands in my catalog. I remember when i lived in Florida the first time and my uncle gave me the Start Today record before i went home. Those hot and horrible summer days i'd spend in the garage listening to stories of how great it used to be back in the day playing shows with those bands, and how much music sucks now. I guess it's just as if things were so mucn more pungent back then. Bands were crawling out and making a change in sound, and everything was so much more genuine. I look at the lyrics to that album and think of how much i've listened to them over and over in my head, on my stereo since 2001. I guess it makes a lot of sense that they'd stick so close.
I look to the lyrics that i posted above a lot of times and it helps me think that i'm not so fucked, because someone else got it right. I hate battling myself thinking that i tend to have a shitty attitude sometimes towards things, but i guess that's all part of my age. I just got the news that i'm getting an extra hour every day added onto my shift at the shop. It should be welcome news, but i dread it in sorts. I hate to think that it's set to become routine to get up at 5.30 in the AM every day to go to work at 6 and make the tools until 11 when i short out. I get home and think, man what next, it feels like i dedicate over half my day to something i don't even want to do. I get home and there's nothing to do, i'm a slave to going to bed by 9.00. That's not life man. Another thing that strikes me as odd is how through times being overworked for little gain has become an acceptable practice to the people being used. It's unreal to think you need to spend 40 hours a week for something like 45 years doing shit that in almost no way benefits you other than putting money in your pocket. I guess that's just my warped perception of it. But is it wrong?
Work machine makes us old before our time, it runs you down and will put you out of your youth, your mind, all for the sake of putting you out of hunger? Seems life could have been easier than all of this.
I don't consent that's how I feel.
Because life's too short , so I do what I can to get by.
I'll decide where my time is spent and you can bet there'll be a smile on my face.
How about yours? How about yours!? "
I remember this summer past i wrote a few songs and one of them had the line "yeah, i still listen to start today" in it, and looking on that months later, i look into how much i actually take from that record. I mean sure, when you listen to a lot of good hardcore music, it's hard to miss the Gorilla Biscuits, but they've always been one of the more special bands in my catalog. I remember when i lived in Florida the first time and my uncle gave me the Start Today record before i went home. Those hot and horrible summer days i'd spend in the garage listening to stories of how great it used to be back in the day playing shows with those bands, and how much music sucks now. I guess it's just as if things were so mucn more pungent back then. Bands were crawling out and making a change in sound, and everything was so much more genuine. I look at the lyrics to that album and think of how much i've listened to them over and over in my head, on my stereo since 2001. I guess it makes a lot of sense that they'd stick so close.
I look to the lyrics that i posted above a lot of times and it helps me think that i'm not so fucked, because someone else got it right. I hate battling myself thinking that i tend to have a shitty attitude sometimes towards things, but i guess that's all part of my age. I just got the news that i'm getting an extra hour every day added onto my shift at the shop. It should be welcome news, but i dread it in sorts. I hate to think that it's set to become routine to get up at 5.30 in the AM every day to go to work at 6 and make the tools until 11 when i short out. I get home and think, man what next, it feels like i dedicate over half my day to something i don't even want to do. I get home and there's nothing to do, i'm a slave to going to bed by 9.00. That's not life man. Another thing that strikes me as odd is how through times being overworked for little gain has become an acceptable practice to the people being used. It's unreal to think you need to spend 40 hours a week for something like 45 years doing shit that in almost no way benefits you other than putting money in your pocket. I guess that's just my warped perception of it. But is it wrong?
Work machine makes us old before our time, it runs you down and will put you out of your youth, your mind, all for the sake of putting you out of hunger? Seems life could have been easier than all of this.
Monday, March 17, 2008
I get really angered sometimes by the stupidest things. I have this idea that i'm subconsciously attempting to project a niave mindset towards my past, as if i just don't really think about it, like i'm blocking out day after day after day to keep a non stop forward march into the future. It's odd, maybe it's all a point of view, but when things move through the created protective layer, it really kind of pisses me off. Sometimes i'll see a picture of someone i used to love, and i'll fall into heated misery where i literally tell the computer to fuck itself and get upset about it. Or i'll recollect something from years ago, like friends in my school years, or in my bands, and i'll think about them all and if their lives are different without me, and if they think of me. Sometimes i tend to really get stuck on things. I know that i'm incredibly unpredictable but i also have a feeling that i'm somewhat charasmatic, which would leave a lot of people thinking of stories when they talk with their now-friends, just like i do with the two people i loosely associate. I swear, if it wasn't for me having the internet, i don't even know what i'd do with myself. It would be a different life.
A lot of time has passed that i have to look back on from a position where i feel like i'm hiding from myself. I say that the way i do because it feels as if i'm not ready to look back, yet i don't always do that good of a job at focusing on what's in front of me, my mind just kind of drifts about time, not really knowing, nor really caring about the immediate future, just as long as everything checks out in the now. I guess that's how i can justify that i've never changed, i've never really concerned myself with stretching time out enough to really emerge in different times as a different person, it's always just kind of been that i'm who i am, with my ideas, and they just kind of settle with me, and progress as i progress, not like one day i'm someone familiar, and the next week i overhaul myself into a new image. I've seen a lot of people do that and i've looked down on them for it i guess. It hurts to see the people that i was and are close with change so drastically for what i typically always view as for the worse.
I know that i'm really hypersensitive and overanalytical to all of this shit, it's just how i operate. I just feel odd that i feel alone a lot of times. It stresses me out to see people that i used to once call "mine" in a different place in life. Because i feel as if i never existed, because the past is such a huge part of my life, it's almost a taboo to me. I get really angry about it, jealous a lot of times. More times than not, i don't know how to deal with it. I guess it'll never get any easier, and i know flat out that a lot of the time that i feel is wasted is because my mind is focused on days far gone. I just hope that something will happen in my life that will change everything. I wish i could close the book for once, instead of reading the same things to myself and wishing i could take back time and relive memories, instead of regret them.
It's a love/hate situation with a lose/lose kind of time.
A lot of time has passed that i have to look back on from a position where i feel like i'm hiding from myself. I say that the way i do because it feels as if i'm not ready to look back, yet i don't always do that good of a job at focusing on what's in front of me, my mind just kind of drifts about time, not really knowing, nor really caring about the immediate future, just as long as everything checks out in the now. I guess that's how i can justify that i've never changed, i've never really concerned myself with stretching time out enough to really emerge in different times as a different person, it's always just kind of been that i'm who i am, with my ideas, and they just kind of settle with me, and progress as i progress, not like one day i'm someone familiar, and the next week i overhaul myself into a new image. I've seen a lot of people do that and i've looked down on them for it i guess. It hurts to see the people that i was and are close with change so drastically for what i typically always view as for the worse.
I know that i'm really hypersensitive and overanalytical to all of this shit, it's just how i operate. I just feel odd that i feel alone a lot of times. It stresses me out to see people that i used to once call "mine" in a different place in life. Because i feel as if i never existed, because the past is such a huge part of my life, it's almost a taboo to me. I get really angry about it, jealous a lot of times. More times than not, i don't know how to deal with it. I guess it'll never get any easier, and i know flat out that a lot of the time that i feel is wasted is because my mind is focused on days far gone. I just hope that something will happen in my life that will change everything. I wish i could close the book for once, instead of reading the same things to myself and wishing i could take back time and relive memories, instead of regret them.
It's a love/hate situation with a lose/lose kind of time.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
manic sleep
Man i don't think i'll ever be on a sleeping schedule that will work out for me. I swear that i could stay up until like 8 tomorrow morning but i have absolutely nothing to do. It's been really frustrating as of late, i have to balance the job and waking up early with never being able to fall asleep. I got these sleeping pills and they don't work, i tried to wash an extra couple down with Nyquil the one night and it didn't really pan out. Apparently my body just doesn't want to quit. My schedule is screwed up again. I hope this balances out safely and doesn't lead to me OD'ing on sleep meds. That will happen though, it's how it always works out..
I guess i won't waste my time and i'll research that "lost planet" Nibiru again.
I guess i won't waste my time and i'll research that "lost planet" Nibiru again.
Om : Live in San Fransisco 8/15/2004
http://www.sendspace.com/file/kxl9fh
3 song set consisting of Variations on a Theme in it's entirety
Riff it on up
3 song set consisting of Variations on a Theme in it's entirety
Riff it on up
Calendar Idea
This is the last time i'll type this, i swear
I've done some thinking today and have devised some sort of calendar for myself. It's interesting, why would anyone, especially me develop such an idea? I think that the typcial Gregorian calander is too vague and useless, it seems too general, whereas i think that time is rather personal. For instance, i don't celebrate many holidays, just a few, it's not something that i care to have special days set aside for. Sure it's trivial, but it's used more for personal archiving and recollection than mapping out what number day next Thursday is. I'll type out my general layout for what i call the "Life Calendar"
The basic principal behind the life calendar is that time moves at your pace, some things will always be a constant, but some things can be looked at through different "lenses" so you can say. For instance, month names are generally useless to me, i look at things more or less by season. I don't celebrate any religious holidays, and i don't necessarily abide by any sort of set schedule. Therefor i find it irrelevant to come up with cute little names for months, when there's a broader and easier system. Setting them up by seasons.
There are 4 quarters in a year, seasonally split by pairs of solstices and equinox. The way i've devised to lay out my calendar of life is as follows.
Typically i view Spring as the inaugural season i label it with a 1. Why would i think of it as the inaugural season? It's on an equinox firstly, which means the light would be split 12/12. March 2oth would then correspond as 1/1 on my calendar.
Going on in the same pattern, the season of 1 will always be followed by the number of days passed in the season itself, until it reaches "2" which would be the Summer season. The same pattern will apply as "3" will symbolize Autmn and "4" will close out the year with Winter's arrival.
for "2008" in the Gregorian calendar this is the sun's life cycle:
Spring - March 20
Summer - June 20
Autumn - September 22
Winter - December 21
For Year 23 that i am coming up on completing, this will be the breakdown
Quarter 1 will have 92 days
Quarter 2 will have 94 days
Quarter 3 will have 90 days
Quarter 4 will have 89 days
March 20th will signify 1/1/23
June 14th will signify 1/86/24
I was born on June 14th 1985 in the current calendar, it's the week before the summer solstice and the 86th day of this years first quarter. I've made it so that i will spend just over 3/4 of one birth year in a year's worth of seasons. I debated making my birthday the first day of the calendar, which would make more sense, and it may be revised into that later on, but as of now i haven't figured out the specifics of that all. I will revise and rework this, should take up some time.
I've done some thinking today and have devised some sort of calendar for myself. It's interesting, why would anyone, especially me develop such an idea? I think that the typcial Gregorian calander is too vague and useless, it seems too general, whereas i think that time is rather personal. For instance, i don't celebrate many holidays, just a few, it's not something that i care to have special days set aside for. Sure it's trivial, but it's used more for personal archiving and recollection than mapping out what number day next Thursday is. I'll type out my general layout for what i call the "Life Calendar"
The basic principal behind the life calendar is that time moves at your pace, some things will always be a constant, but some things can be looked at through different "lenses" so you can say. For instance, month names are generally useless to me, i look at things more or less by season. I don't celebrate any religious holidays, and i don't necessarily abide by any sort of set schedule. Therefor i find it irrelevant to come up with cute little names for months, when there's a broader and easier system. Setting them up by seasons.
There are 4 quarters in a year, seasonally split by pairs of solstices and equinox. The way i've devised to lay out my calendar of life is as follows.
Typically i view Spring as the inaugural season i label it with a 1. Why would i think of it as the inaugural season? It's on an equinox firstly, which means the light would be split 12/12. March 2oth would then correspond as 1/1 on my calendar.
Going on in the same pattern, the season of 1 will always be followed by the number of days passed in the season itself, until it reaches "2" which would be the Summer season. The same pattern will apply as "3" will symbolize Autmn and "4" will close out the year with Winter's arrival.
for "2008" in the Gregorian calendar this is the sun's life cycle:
Spring - March 20
Summer - June 20
Autumn - September 22
Winter - December 21
For Year 23 that i am coming up on completing, this will be the breakdown
Quarter 1 will have 92 days
Quarter 2 will have 94 days
Quarter 3 will have 90 days
Quarter 4 will have 89 days
March 20th will signify 1/1/23
June 14th will signify 1/86/24
I was born on June 14th 1985 in the current calendar, it's the week before the summer solstice and the 86th day of this years first quarter. I've made it so that i will spend just over 3/4 of one birth year in a year's worth of seasons. I debated making my birthday the first day of the calendar, which would make more sense, and it may be revised into that later on, but as of now i haven't figured out the specifics of that all. I will revise and rework this, should take up some time.
Ascend
I haven't written one of these things in what seems like years. From time to time i'd cringe at recollecting on past entries that i'd written and become somewhat embarrassed by myself. It seems at the time as if i'm saying everything i want to say and just wording it in strange phrasings. It's hard sometimes to think of myself in days past, often i'll reread things that i've written on messageboards, or even on "blogs" that i'd at one time had and i'm always finding myself saying "man what a fag". It's as if the more that i progress throughout time, the more unreasonable i seem in days past. I guess that's part of advancing though, who knows, who really cares? I know in time that i'll even look back upon my opening lines here and say "why the fuck did i type that man" and i'll be embarrassed, so i'll warn myself now, this might get nuts.
I'm not entirely sure how i'll utilize this writing space, i may use it at times to weave together tales of my current and past adventures in this life, use it to put down some ideas for new tunes, review some music and rant about it, record some of my far out ideas, things of the sort. I don't know if i'll really show a lot of people this, but i might post it around once or twice. I don't really want people to read this, yet i'm not sure who i'm actually writing this to. I act as if i'm talking to someone, yet i'm talking to no one at all. This will be awkward to stumble across. Enough reality for now, time to get started.
I'm not entirely sure how i'll utilize this writing space, i may use it at times to weave together tales of my current and past adventures in this life, use it to put down some ideas for new tunes, review some music and rant about it, record some of my far out ideas, things of the sort. I don't know if i'll really show a lot of people this, but i might post it around once or twice. I don't really want people to read this, yet i'm not sure who i'm actually writing this to. I act as if i'm talking to someone, yet i'm talking to no one at all. This will be awkward to stumble across. Enough reality for now, time to get started.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
