it's cliche to say i feel like i'm drowning but i do. it's as if i just went swimming and now i can't breathe. up to my eyes in the salinity of life's reality. as i struggle to even choke, i wonder if it's worth it to anticipate the next wave's crest, hoping it will be the one to burn out my sight and be the first hack of an axe to my spine.
it's not like i wanted this. i guess i had it good not too long ago and i should have been more responsible. that's a big reason it hurts. i was taking baby steps, then getting off course and not gaining ground. i knew it wouldn't last, and now i'm here.
at least i've got Taylor, at least i still kind of have my band. There's hope, i just don't see it a lot. Anxiety makes it hard to swim. I wish i had a raft, but if i did, i guess it would be too easy.
Nah, fuck that, this shit's for the birds. I just hope i wash ashore sometime.
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